Today at a glance:
Why do we always want the next thing, and how does this behavior affect our mental health, personal development, and relationships?
A simple, actionable 3-step framework to break free from the cycle of constant anticipation and find lasting commitment.
Discover practical strategies for appreciating the present, building meaningful connections, and achieving long-term satisfaction.
The other day, I had a conversation with my friend Adeola.
She mentioned how she often looks forward to going home after a long day at work, but once she gets home, she immediately feels the urge to not be at home again.
While this is a cycle she is trying to get used to, this scenario is not unique to Adeola.
Many young people eagerly anticipate something or a particular result, only to feel the need to move to the next thing, once they attain it.
It could be the idea of a job, longing for the weekend, counting down the days to a vacation, or eagerly awaiting a new purchase, the pattern is the same:
They get it and the excitement fades quickly after that.
This behavior is a classic example of what psychologists call anticipatory pleasure.
Anticipatory pleasure refers to the excitement and happiness we feel when we look forward to something in the future. It is the expectation of something that will be happening very shortly.
When we experience a joyous event, our brains release dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure.
This also occurs when we anticipate a positive event but the difference is that the reality of the experience often doesn't match up to our expectations.
The dopamine surge occurs during the anticipation, not during the actual event and this discrepancy can leave us feeling unfulfilled and eager for the next thing that promises excitement.
The Impact of Anticipatory Pleasure
I would like to point out that it is normal to want new things. Novelty is good for the brain.
Anticipatory pleasure is good as it helps in motivation and goal-driven behavior. But this when not done modestly, is harmful.
People justify this behavior by claiming they are avoiding stagnancy and embracing change. But there’s a difference between looking for changes and adapting to changes.
In looking for a change, you are in constant pursuit of the next thing and it can have detrimental effects on your
Mental Health:
Constantly seeking the next thing can lead to anxiety and dissatisfaction.
It puts us in a cycle of anticipation and letdown, and a mental state where we are rarely content with the present moment. This can contribute to chronic stress and anxiety disorders.
Studies have also found young individuals who frequently chase new experiences and possessions often report higher levels of anxiety and lower overall life satisfaction.
This is consistent with research suggesting that the pursuit of material possessions and experiences does not necessarily lead to increased happiness or life satisfaction, and may even contribute to anxiety and dissatisfaction.
Personal Development:
In terms of career and personal goals, this behavior can manifest as job-hopping or quitting hobbies prematurely or as they start to get interesting.
The depth of commitment to specific activities by a person leads to them not fully growing in or mastering those skills. This hinders personal growth and skill development.
For example, someone who switches jobs frequently may never gain the expertise or build the professional relationships that come with staying in one position for an extended period.
When we continually shift our focus to the next big thing, we miss out on the benefits of long-term dedication.
Relationships:
Anticipatory pleasure can also negatively impact personal relationships.
When one constantly seeks new and exciting social connections, it prevents the formation of deep, meaningful relationships.
You might consider someone to be socially active, but if they are frequently switching social groups, chances are high that have feelings of loneliness and isolation, despite the status quo.
This is not limited to friendships as it manifests as the "honeymoon phase" in romantic relationships.
Initially, you might be thrilled by the newness of a relationship, looking forward to every date and milestone. However, once the initial excitement fades, the relationship can start to feel mundane.
You might find yourself fantasizing about a new relationship or questioning your commitment.
This constant craving for newness prevents you from deepening your bond and working through the natural ebbs and flows of a long-term relationship.
A Simple 3-Step Framework to Break Free:
To break free from the constant cycle of anticipation and letdown, it's crucial to adopt a balanced approach that prepares the mind for both the highs and the lows. Here’s a practical framework to help you:
Anticipate the good and the bad:
One of the reasons anticipatory pleasure can be so compelling is that we often only focus on the positives of future events.
We imagine the excitement, joy, and satisfaction without considering the potential downsides. This creates unrealistic expectations that reality can rarely meet.
To counter this, start anticipating both the good and the bad.
For example, when I prepare for my jogging sessions, I don't just think about the endorphin rush and sense of accomplishment.
I also anticipate the pain and stress that come with pushing my limits. By doing this, I mentally prepare myself to face them and remain committed despite the discomfort.
This balanced anticipation helps callus the mind against dissatisfaction and reduces the letdown when things don't go perfectly.
Build Consummatory Pleasure:
An alternative to Anticipatory pleasure, Consummatory pleasure is the satisfaction we derive from actually engaging in and completing an activity.
It is shifting our focus from anticipating experiences to fully enjoying them as they happen.
For instance, if you’re spending time with friends, immerse yourself in the conversation and activities rather than thinking about what comes next.
In romantic relationships, focus on enjoying the everyday moments with your partner. Engage in activities together that promote bonding and shared enjoyment, like cooking a meal together, taking a walk, or having a deep conversation. Appreciate the small gestures and daily interactions that build a strong foundation.
Oprah Winfrey often speaks about how living in the moment and appreciating the journey rather than just the destination has contributed to her success and personal fulfillment.
Consummatory Pleasure helps you see that the journey has more to offer than the destination.
Create Long-Term Pleasures:
Long-term pleasures are derived from sustained activities and commitments that bring enduring satisfaction.
These pleasures often require effort and dedication but offer deeper and more lasting fulfillment than the fleeting excitement of short-term anticipations.
Investing time in a hobby like writing or playing an instrument can bring ongoing joy and a sense of accomplishment. Similarly, committing to a long-term relationship involves navigating challenges but ultimately leads to a deeper and more meaningful connection.
Dedication
It’s safe to say that on the other side of anticipatory pleasure is dedication. It’s also safe to say that the benefits of long-term dedication can't be seen when we keep looking for the next big thing
By understanding this and implementing practical strategies to focus on the present and cultivate lasting satisfaction, we can break free from the cycle of constant anticipation.
Today, Reflect on your own experiences. Ask yourself, “Am I always looking for the next thing?” Am I having a dedication issue? Whatever the answer, use it to take the first step towards a more fulfilling and committed life.
As Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment; full effort is full victory."
Remember, You’ve got this.
Till next time,
Salud.
In Case You Missed It:
Last week, I wrote about Beyond the Finish Line: The Real Success in Goal Setting, where we look at how to:
Overcome the mindset that not fully achieving a goal equates to failure, and recognize the value in progress and effort.
Setting high goals pushes you farther, even if the result is not exactly what you envisioned.
My Top Resources for This Week:
How to reframe your frustrations: This article by Scott Berkun discusses the challenges of design and the importance of reframing problems to make them actionable.
The Bottleneck Thinker Questions: Need a structured approach to overcoming obstacles and achieving rapid growth in business and life. Check this out. It discusses the concept of Bottleneck Thinking.
Well done bro
Quite illuminating.
More grace